A few months ago, I received an email inquiry for birth photography & doula services from a friend of a friend. We chatted a bit through the emails, but because it was right before Thanksgiving, we never got a chance to meet up before things got crazy for the holidays. She didn’t reply until a few weeks later. She explained her son had been born still shortly after our last email. She was writing to me close to what had been her due date. So, instead of anticipating birth or holding a newborn, she was emailing me about the loss of her son so that she “wouldn’t leave me hanging”, as she said. Oh, how my heart broke for her!
About two weeks ago, I received word that the daughter-in-law of a good friend and client had delivered a stillborn. At 39 weeks. Again, my heart broke. Luckily, the daughter-in-law did have a photographer friend with her at the hospital, so she does have some pictures of her baby. I offered to photograph the funeral service.
What a sweet morning it was! It was beautiful spring Sunday morning. The messages were thoughtful and touching. I’m not going to lie though, it was a hard day. It was a true day of mourning. I’m not even going to share with you some of the most touching photos of the day, because I feel like they are too personal.
The couple’s siblings sang the hymn Be Still My Soul as a special musical number. “Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side; With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain”
Mother’s Day is fast approaching. As I edited these photos I thought about these two mamas of stillborns on their first Mother’s Day. That same day as I edited was a funeral for a woman who had passed away unexepectedly who was (is) the mother of my friend. My friend will be celebrating her first Mother’s Day without her mother this year. And I thought of Petite Peanut Boutique’s Joy who lost her young son earlier this year. And many many others who have lost someone, who may feel a pain instead of a joy this Mother’s Day. LOOK AROUND YOU. Give someone a hug and tell them you care. Each of us has a burden of some form or another. Try to lift each others burdens and yours will feel lighter too. A very Happy Mother’s Day to you all.
As a side note, if you ever find yourself or someone you know in the situation of having a stillborn or a baby with a condition that won’t live long, please feel free to call me.
This came up in one of the birth loss groups I follow:
To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you
To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you
To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you
To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you
To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.
To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you
To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you
To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you
To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you
To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience
To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst
To those who have aborted children – we remember them and you on this day
To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be
To those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths
To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren -yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you
To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you
And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you
This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.
Such beautiful photos, Jessica. They touched my heart. A true labor of love. Thank you for always being so compassionate.
Beautiful Jessica as always.